Asbo Grannies

So lets talk about asbo grannies. The species isn't as rare as you may think. The reason we dont come across them very much is because they are often locked in care home. However sometimes they escape into the community. This is where the problems start.

The characteristics to look out for are: They will show the elderly lady in the next bed how her table works, how it moves and probably how its build.
She will then proceed to attack the ladys dinner. Threatening to feed her. Maybe even tell her what ingredients are in it.

Now this is where you need to be afraid and maybe get a restraining order. Don't let her see you have a drip. The machine beep scares her like a wild beast. She will leap into action and try and turn the machine off. Even fiddle with the drip bag if shes feeling extra naughty.

Lastly
Make sure windows are out of reach. Its like a game to these grannies. You open them. She closes them. And on the game will go.
So tonight I am sleeping with a taser gun under my pillow for mine and my drips safety x

Paper pants and surgery

I'm high on morphine at the moment so i apologise if this post doesn't make any sense.

Well I'm still in hospital. On Sunday it was my birthday and look what i woke up to.

The night staff had made me bunting out of gloves hehe. Was a lovely thing to do. Alot of my family and friends came to visit and i hope to do something when i get out.

I've also realised that i may have most of the hospital pumps on my iv pole. I'm usually connected to 3 lines at once. I'm quite used to it now. Bit of a nightmare to move it when I'm in my wheelchair though.

Yesterday i finally went for my op to fit my peg. It went OK but woke up in agony. They had to cut me open, find my stomach and fit my peg next to the incision. I have bee nil by mouth for 48 hours as i need to let my stomach to heal. The next step is to extend my tube into my bowel via endoscopy. This was the original plan and thought i would be out within a week. It can't be done yet as i need at least a week to heal. I also cannot use my new peg until then. I'm quite happy staying in tpn at the mo.

It has taken a while to get my pain under control. I didn't sleep last night as i cannot sleep on either side or my back and i was in agony. Luckily morphine and other painkillers have come to the rescue.  

Oh and i got to wear sexy paper pants. However i think they look better as a hat

Off now with the fairies x

The crazy ward roommates

Let me tell you a little about the people on my ward.

We will start with lady no1. She looks like she is off the TV show benidorm.Very old and moans. Her makeup is the colour of mud and all she needs is a fag in her mouth and a mobility scooter.

Lady no2 - Has a learning disability, nice enough but asks the same questions over and over again. Nice enough but picks her nose alot as the hospital doesn't give us enough protein.

Lady no3- Well what can i say other than I'm traumatised.She pulls off her stoma bag and shits everywhere. She also loves to be naked. I do not want to see her fiddling with her fanny thank you. She also seems to get a cooked breakfast everyday. No fair.

Lady no4 - About 100 and every other word is an ooh ooh as if shes in pain. Shits and wees and doesn't have a clue why she is here.

Lady no 5 - has swallowed an offensive language dictionary and wants to go back to her local place. I'm praying alot that she does

oh and then theres me. Stuck in bed as theres not enough staff to hoist me out because they are filling the laundry up with sheets and shit.

Thinking of sending myself off the to morgue to get some peace. Wonder if it also smells better

From a very sleep deprived and grumpy Hayley x

Can't believe it's been so long since i updated my blog. To be honest I'm not sure if anyone actually reads my ramblings.

Apologies that this maybe a very long post. Since the last time i updated things have got alot worse.

I got the results for my stomach tests from London. It shows i have very severe gastroparesis. This is where the muscles in the stomach don't work very well to empty it.It has led me to lose alot of weight as between that and my weak oesophagus, i haven't been able to eat enough to function.

Things got worse when i had my wisdom tooth taken out and was given antibiotics. I haven't been able to eat or drink since. My consultant in London suggested a feeding tube. I tried to survive as long as i could at home but had to be admitted to hospital.

The plan was to insert a peg j tube. This is performed via endoscopy. They put the tube down your throat and make a hole into your stomach. They then extend the tube bypassing the stomach and feed into the intestine.

i had got my head around this idea. However it didn't seem to go to plan! Guess what? The doctor couldn't find my stomach. Weird huh. They think it's sitting in my chest cavity. So the next plan is to do it surgically. They will cut an opening in my abdomen, hopefully find my stomach and put the feeding tube in.

This can't happen until 13th July though as the surgeon is a very busy bunny or man. Day after my birthday boohoo.

So in the mean time i have to be fed via Tpn.

Sorry about the pic. He looks rather constipated hehe. Thanks google.
Anyway i don't know alot about it as i prefer not to. All i know is it is fed through a vein in the neck and has potential complications.

So now i have educated you all with info you will prob never use again haha. Anyway bye for now. Off to watch a film. x

baby card

 A card i made for my new nephew

mad times

Well what can i say. It has been an eventful time to say the least. Think i may have to do this post in bullets points.

Hospital appointment

1. Went back to London to have a gastric emptying study. It involves eating a bowl of porridge with some radioactive stuff in it. Fir me it was a huge bowl and tried very hard to not throw it up. You then have to breath into these bags every 15 minutes for 4 hours. Boring was an understatement. I don't get the results for about a month. I did however get a bit of info about my latest test. The muscles in my oesophagus are weak which is why I'm having trouble swallowing. Got to wait go see the consultant in July.

2. Lets talk benefits

I had to transfer from dla to pip. Filled in the loonnng form and sent all my evidence. Got a letter to say i had to attend a medical. Turn up at the medical and the lady didn't have my name on the list. They don't realise how hard it was to get there. I am mostly bed bound at the moment so it was a huge thing. Anyway someone didn't turn up so i got seen. 

The man didn't have my form, my medical evidence and his computer didn't work. He had to write everything down. Phew glad it was over. Oh no that would be simple. Guess what postman brings me. Yep another letter to go through another medical. I ring up thinking it was a mistake. Sadly it wasn't. They needed more information and i had to go in person, i burst into tears on the phone. 

Managed to get there but couldn't take my electric wheelchair so  had to take my manual one. It has no headrest so was propped up with my transfer board and pillows hehe. The woman in reception was so angry on my behalf that i had to come back. The nurse was lovely and just went through a few things and is recommending i don't be reviewed again as my condition won't change. Just need to wait for the letter now.

3. Intermediate care team

Now what can i say about them other than they are a waste of space. They help to stop people from going in hospital. They turn up at random times. Are very rude. I was terrified of asking for dinner so i just had snacks in my room.Don't communicate in the office even though my physio told them my needs. They hurt me when trying to transfer. Yes i have out a complaint in. Enough said. It has been hell.

However there was a good part. The o.t and physio. I know have a hospital bed and hoist, new showerchair and been referred for a ceiling hoist which will give me more independence . I' ve now put regular carers in place so i can cope without having to go to hospital or get the care team involved.


4. Poorly mum

Mum had a stress test for her heart. They put her on meds and she gas to have an angiogram and stents. I think her valves or arteries are to narrow.

She is really struggling with exhaustion and can't walk very fair. Its like a role reversal. I want to take it all away. The weird thing is i live with feeling very unwell everyday and I'm used to it, but i don't know what advice to give to mum. 

Mum is my primary carer, but dads had to help out. Next week she cant lift or drive but luckily i have carers to take over. 

I just want my mum well again x

Crap couple of weeks

This is where I've been the last couple if weeks.

Yep you've guessed it. Snuggled up in bed. Sadly not by choice.

An evil virus put me out of action again and stole my muscles. I am unable to sit up by myself or transfer into my wheelchair.

Mum has come over everyday to help but i an getting very frustrated. This is not the life i want. There have been some very dark days where i just wanted to die. I even told mum 'just let me die'.

This hasn't been helped with the fact I've had to stop the tablets for my stomach. Ive mentioned in previous posts that the doctors think my stomach isn't working  properly. Last week i had to go to London to have tests done. They put a tube down your nose to test swallowing and one down for 24 hours to test reflux. It was a cruel test. I cried and cried.

Anyway I've had to come off my tablets for 2weeks as i have another test on Friday. This means that  I've been barely able eat or drink which is severely effecting my condition.

On the up side i got to interrogate the patient transport drivers. I love learning about different cultures. Mum nearly told me to shut up as i talked to much hehe. You can tell i don't get out much.

So it was a tough tough week last week. Hope this week is better.

P.s i love seeing my tulips come alive in my front garden. They really make me smile. Oh and i need to put mollycat on a diet as she is getting very fat and other cats are laughing at her 😺😺😺😺

Anyway hope you all have a lovely bank holiday monday

Love from me x