Pain I've never felt before

I needed to write this post. Just to get my thoughts down as it's been playing on my mind. 

I can't remember much of my hospital stay but there is one day that I don't think i will forget for a while. It was a Saturday. I was in hospital on iv antibiotics due to an infection around my Hickman line site.

I woke up feeling ok but later on in the morning suddenly I was freezing. Freezing cold to the bones. I was in agony. The pain started in my lower back and went through my legs. I couldn't lay, I couldn't sit. I can't stand anyway. It was something I had never felt before. I cried my eyes out begging the nurses to help. 

As it was a Saturday there were no doctors around. It was hours of sheer hell before anyone could help me. My temp was 39.4, my heart rate 148 and my blood pressure plummeted.  The nurses could only do so much to help. I was hysterical and threatened to drag myself to A and E for help. I was desperate. Usually I never make a fuss and have a high pain threshold.Finally a doctor came, a junior doctor who seemed new and out of her depth. She treated me like I was overreacting and gave me simple oral painkillers. 

I was still hooked up to my tpn but it got turned off she told the nurses to turn it back on. This is a big no no. If your temp is above 38 it gets stopped as tpn feeds bacteria. I would later find out that the infection was in my line to. So every time tpn was turned on it was spreading bacteria throughout my body. She later got a telling off and was very nice after that . Surprise, Surprise.

Later another doctor comes and gives me the right painkillers.Finally it eases. I had to be monitored closely as my blood pressure was terrible and be given a lot of Iv fluid quickly to try and bring it up. I couldn't sit up without feeling sick or sooo dizzy.

It's only now that I'm home and I've started to process it. I was terrified but I'm also terrified it's going to happen again.

My body will take a while to recover. I spoke to my consultant about my exhaustion and he said oh yes because you been through a lot.

I'm frustrated that I can't do the things I want. I realise how short life is. I want to do things now in case I end up in hospital tomorrow, because you just never know.

Hayley x