I woke this morning feeling so terribly low. I think what made me anxious was not knowing what's going on. I like to know the ins and outs of everything.
Late morning my tpn nurse turns up and said there's something grown from the cultures in my line but their not sure if it's cross contamination. She also questioned my aseptic technique at home. This made me feel it was my fault I got an infection.
Eventually I saw a doctor. He confirmed I have a staph infection in my Hickman line and reassured me it's just one of those things and no ones fault. I'm now on strong antibiotics and might possibly lose my line. This is my third line in about 4 months.
I've told him I don't want another. I have to discuss my options with my consultant. I know I have gastroparesis but no one has really explained it to me. I get family members saying I should just eat more. I then question myself and think maybe if I did just eat more then my stomach will respond. Yes I've tried it and I was sick and in agony. I'm starting to think has my stomach shrunk and I just need to make it bigger. I asked the doc similar and he said it's a problem with the nerves that won't get better.
I need the consultant to sit down with me and explain things in simple terms as I feel very mixed up at the moment. I can't live my life in limbo waiting for another infection but not sure if I can survive without my line. I think if a big if I do get a new line then I will wait a couple of months as my body has been through so much that it needs a break. I need a break.
Also asked the doctor if I can see a health psychologist. I haven't yet come to terms with being on tpn. You get put on it then it's cheerio get on with it but there's no mental health support.
Sorry this is so long. Signing off for now and watching a Christmas film x
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