Asbo Grannies

So lets talk about asbo grannies. The species isn't as rare as you may think. The reason we dont come across them very much is because they are often locked in care home. However sometimes they escape into the community. This is where the problems start.

The characteristics to look out for are: They will show the elderly lady in the next bed how her table works, how it moves and probably how its build.
She will then proceed to attack the ladys dinner. Threatening to feed her. Maybe even tell her what ingredients are in it.

Now this is where you need to be afraid and maybe get a restraining order. Don't let her see you have a drip. The machine beep scares her like a wild beast. She will leap into action and try and turn the machine off. Even fiddle with the drip bag if shes feeling extra naughty.

Lastly
Make sure windows are out of reach. Its like a game to these grannies. You open them. She closes them. And on the game will go.
So tonight I am sleeping with a taser gun under my pillow for mine and my drips safety x

Paper pants and surgery

I'm high on morphine at the moment so i apologise if this post doesn't make any sense.

Well I'm still in hospital. On Sunday it was my birthday and look what i woke up to.

The night staff had made me bunting out of gloves hehe. Was a lovely thing to do. Alot of my family and friends came to visit and i hope to do something when i get out.

I've also realised that i may have most of the hospital pumps on my iv pole. I'm usually connected to 3 lines at once. I'm quite used to it now. Bit of a nightmare to move it when I'm in my wheelchair though.

Yesterday i finally went for my op to fit my peg. It went OK but woke up in agony. They had to cut me open, find my stomach and fit my peg next to the incision. I have bee nil by mouth for 48 hours as i need to let my stomach to heal. The next step is to extend my tube into my bowel via endoscopy. This was the original plan and thought i would be out within a week. It can't be done yet as i need at least a week to heal. I also cannot use my new peg until then. I'm quite happy staying in tpn at the mo.

It has taken a while to get my pain under control. I didn't sleep last night as i cannot sleep on either side or my back and i was in agony. Luckily morphine and other painkillers have come to the rescue.  

Oh and i got to wear sexy paper pants. However i think they look better as a hat

Off now with the fairies x

The crazy ward roommates

Let me tell you a little about the people on my ward.

We will start with lady no1. She looks like she is off the TV show benidorm.Very old and moans. Her makeup is the colour of mud and all she needs is a fag in her mouth and a mobility scooter.

Lady no2 - Has a learning disability, nice enough but asks the same questions over and over again. Nice enough but picks her nose alot as the hospital doesn't give us enough protein.

Lady no3- Well what can i say other than I'm traumatised.She pulls off her stoma bag and shits everywhere. She also loves to be naked. I do not want to see her fiddling with her fanny thank you. She also seems to get a cooked breakfast everyday. No fair.

Lady no4 - About 100 and every other word is an ooh ooh as if shes in pain. Shits and wees and doesn't have a clue why she is here.

Lady no 5 - has swallowed an offensive language dictionary and wants to go back to her local place. I'm praying alot that she does

oh and then theres me. Stuck in bed as theres not enough staff to hoist me out because they are filling the laundry up with sheets and shit.

Thinking of sending myself off the to morgue to get some peace. Wonder if it also smells better

From a very sleep deprived and grumpy Hayley x

Can't believe it's been so long since i updated my blog. To be honest I'm not sure if anyone actually reads my ramblings.

Apologies that this maybe a very long post. Since the last time i updated things have got alot worse.

I got the results for my stomach tests from London. It shows i have very severe gastroparesis. This is where the muscles in the stomach don't work very well to empty it.It has led me to lose alot of weight as between that and my weak oesophagus, i haven't been able to eat enough to function.

Things got worse when i had my wisdom tooth taken out and was given antibiotics. I haven't been able to eat or drink since. My consultant in London suggested a feeding tube. I tried to survive as long as i could at home but had to be admitted to hospital.

The plan was to insert a peg j tube. This is performed via endoscopy. They put the tube down your throat and make a hole into your stomach. They then extend the tube bypassing the stomach and feed into the intestine.

i had got my head around this idea. However it didn't seem to go to plan! Guess what? The doctor couldn't find my stomach. Weird huh. They think it's sitting in my chest cavity. So the next plan is to do it surgically. They will cut an opening in my abdomen, hopefully find my stomach and put the feeding tube in.

This can't happen until 13th July though as the surgeon is a very busy bunny or man. Day after my birthday boohoo.

So in the mean time i have to be fed via Tpn.

Sorry about the pic. He looks rather constipated hehe. Thanks google.
Anyway i don't know alot about it as i prefer not to. All i know is it is fed through a vein in the neck and has potential complications.

So now i have educated you all with info you will prob never use again haha. Anyway bye for now. Off to watch a film. x