Dear diary - Things are tough at the moment -part 1

Dear diary

I haven't updated you for a long time.I didn't think i have anything to say but now i really need you.

The last time I updated was before christmas.I was due to start tpn as my weight was so low and i was having trouble with my tube feeds.

I went into hospital and had a picc line inserted into my arm and then started tpn. It gives nutrients directly into your blood stream bypassing the organs. It doesn't come without risks including sepsis and liver damage.

After a month in hospital i came home.It took a while for my body to adjust but about a month ago i was finally feeling well enough to start living again.

Things were good until march 4th.I will always remember that day.I had my beloved molly put to sleep. Devastated  was an understatement.

I got molly when i first became ill 13 years ago. She was my best friend and always by my side. She stopped eating and the vet thought she had cat flu but could feel an inflamed kidney aswell. I nursed her at home for two weeks.She couldn't really walk so i carried her on my lap in my wheelchair around the house.

I knew i was loosing her but wanted her to pass away at home. It wasn't fair on either of us.She was sad and so was i. It was time to take her back to the vets who thought she probably had kidney cancer.It was time to put my baby girl to sleep. I was buy her side until the end.She didn't even stop wagging her tail.She always thought she was a dog hehe.

She passed away a month before her 13th birthday and left behind her sister mia.

Surprisingly mia has coped very well and is a changed cat. She was always with molly but quite timid around people. She now can't get enough fuss from people.

I have wrote alot in this post so will write a part 2 of my thoughts x